Gone With the Squall
by Grasshopper2
Summary: Selphie signs Squall up for the annual play at the Garden.... what will happen? *FINISHED* It's over!! The pain, the horror, the.........completion of it all!!!!
1. Squall Finds Out

"SQUALLY-WALLY!!!!!!" screamed Selphie.  
  
(Oh crap, what NOW?) Squall thought to himself.  
  
"Guess what I did, guess what I did?"  
  
"What?" in his usual monotone.  
  
"All right, well, I...... uh..... ummm......"  
  
Squall interrupts: "What did you DO, woman?!"  
  
"Well, I know that your creative arts grade is low, so......... ummm..... ummm..... I signed you up for the annual Garden play!"  
  
"You..... did....... WHAT!!!!?!?!?!?!?!"  
  
"Anyway, the audition is on Thursday-"  
  
"Forget it. I am so not doing this!"  
  
"Well, the thing is, you get 20 points for auditioning, and if you don't show up, then you lose 50 points!"  
  
"$h1t! Fine! I'll do it, but not to make you happy!"  
  
"Okay, I'll see you Thursday, 1600 hours in front of the auditoruim."  
  
************ As Squall walked back to his dorm, Zell came screaming down the hall.  
  
"Are you trying out for the play too? I saw your name on the audition list, and I just wanted to make sure that they had it right, since this kinda thing doesn't usually seem right up your alley, ya know."  
  
"Whatever," replied Squall, in his trademark tone of voice.  
  
"Well, if you don't want to try out, you can erase your name from the audition list, but you need to hurry, because....-" Zell looks at his watch- "they are taking it down in 30 seconds."  
  
"All right, I gotta go!" Squall raced down the hall, toward the auditiorium. (Please, please, don't have taken it down yet)  
  
When Squall finally arrives, he reaches to erase his name off the list. At the same moment, Headmaster Cid reaches his hand out to grab the sheet. "Wait, please, Headmaster, I was just about to take my name off of the list..." Squall's voice tralied off.  
  
"Sorry, son, it's after 2000 hundred hours. But, if you really want to...." He begins to hand the paper to Squall.  
  
"Oh, thank you, thank you, sooooooo much........"  
  
"April Fool's!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!" Cid snatches the paper back.  
  
".........But....... it's........ June......."  
  
"Ha! It's..... June...... Fool's!!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Squall sinks to his knees. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Cid just looks at him, tilts his head, and says "You know, you could really do those dramatic parts," and walks away. 


	2. The Fangirls Unite!

Disclaimer: We do not own FF8 or any of their characters (even if we want to.. Stop thinking like that you perverts!)  
  
Grasshopper: *claims Zell*  
  
Kitty & Moirae: *fights over Squall* *sound of gunblade slashing*  
  
Grasshopper: Whoa, what was that?  
  
Kitty: *smug grin* Sorry, couldn't resist.  
  
As Squall walks back *again* to his dorm, Zell runs into him, *again*. Zell says: "Well, how went the mission?"  
  
Squall looks at him, a hopeless look on his face, and says, "Shut up, you hot dog loving idiot!" And walked into his dorm.  
  
Just as Squall was closing the door, he screams out "Why would you even want to try out for the play, anyway?!"  
  
Zell yells "Well, didn't you know, they're giving out free hot dogs?!"  
  
Squall closes the door in Zell's face, and slams his head into the door. Over... and over.. And over.. Again.  
  
-Thursday-  
  
As Squall walked into the auditorium, a thought struck him. A really mean and sadistic thought. (I'll just do so bad, I won't be able to make the play! Let's see. for music, I'll do.. THE CHA-CHA SLIDE!!!!!!!) He took his place on the stage, since it was his turn.  
  
"Now, student no. 41269, Squall Leonhart!!!" Xu announced, being one of the judges.  
  
(Did you HAVE to tell the whole world??) he thought to himself.  
  
"What'll YOU be doing?" she asked sweetly.  
  
He grumbled, but told them anyway. The three judges - which were actually Xu, Quistis, and Nida - looked at each other.  
  
"Well, I'm not sure if that technically counts. . ." Nida said, looking back at his fellow SeeD, "But ok!"  
  
"Alright, here I go.." Squall said. " Now it's time to get funky!!! Now everybody clap your hands! Step to the right, step to the left, take it back now ya'll. Right foot left stomp, left foot left stomp. Cha-cha real smooth............."  
  
"Actually, that was quite good," Nida said impressively. "Does everyone agree?"  
  
"Definitely!" said the other judges simultaneously.  
  
"Squall, it's unanimous, since you were the last to audition for the boys, you get the main character, Rhett Butler, in Gone With the Wind.!!!!"  
  
"WHAT!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Squall screamed.*actually, just like Selphie*  
  
"See you tomorrow at rehearsal!" said Xu.  
  
"#^*$*)(+)%$@@^%$%)()^_!!!!!!!!!" Squall muttered under his breath. ^Squell Fan Girls Club (from here on out known as SFGC) POV^  
  
Three girls are sitting in a circle at their dorm. One, known as Grasshopper, has long blonde hair with blue and pink highlights. Her weapon is a jump rope. She is a weird girl who is obsessed with pixie stix and Zell. She's random and one of a kind.  
  
Another girl has long, dark red hair. She is known as Moirae. She has a machine gun and is very depressed sometimes. She is very strange on a caffiene high. So, no one gives her a lot of sugar.  
  
The last girl has long blonde hair with dark red highlights. She's the tallest in the group and known as Kitty. She carries a gunblade. She is very random, weird, and hyper. She's the only female gunblade user in the world.  
  
"Okay, girls" said Grasshopper, "We have to audition for this play and make it so that we can capture Squall..we can get Zell later because, I hate to admit, he sucks as a singer."  
  
"OOOOOOO!!! Can I try out!!!!" yelled Kitty jumping up and down from the back.  
  
"Ummmm.Kitty?? Questioned Moirae, "You didn't sign up..you were too busy throwing frozen yogurt at ice-cream truck drivers."  
  
"Oh.yeah..THE BEST TARGETS IN THE WORLD!!!!"  
  
"Anywaaaaaayy.as I was saying," Grasshopper continued looking strangely at Kitty, "I'll be singing Sparkling Diamonds from Moulin Rouge and Moirae.what will you be singing?"  
  
"It's My Life by Bon Jovi!!!!!!" she screamed. "HEY! I have an idea!!!! Can we have a Bon Jovi Fan Club too? We could call it the Bonsquell Club!!!"  
  
Both Kitty and Grasshopper stared at her in a frightened way, "No."  
  
****************** Still SFGC POV  
  
Friday  
  
"Okay Moirae, here we go," said Grasshopper. "See you later Kitty. Stay out of trouble."  
  
"Of course I will. What do expect me to do, run into walls??" she replied sarcastically. Stifling laughter. "Well, yeah."  
  
Kitty gives one of her "eat shit or die " glares. "Whatever...."  
  
"BYE!!"  
  
Grasshopper's and Moirae's POV  
  
"Nervous?" asked Moirae.  
  
"A little," Grasshopper admitted.  
  
"Well, here we go."  
  
"Alright, you can start now Grasshopper." Said Nida.  
  
"A kiss on the hand may be quite continental.."  
  
Kitty's POV  
  
Sighs. "Now what is there to do?" thought Kitty out loud. "I know! I think I'll ransack Grasshopper's closet!!!!!"  
  
As Kitty looked in her closet, she found a 10 pound bag of jumbo pixie stix. "OOOOOOO!!!" exclaimed Kitty evilly.  
  
Moirae's POV  
  
"Crap, we didn't make even the smallest part." said Moirae.  
  
"I KNOW THAT ALREADY!!!!" yelled Grasshopper. As they walked back into the dorm, they see pixie stix wrappers everywhere and what looks like a stairway of butcher knives up along the wall.  
  
"LOOK YA'LL! I CAN FLY!!!" screamed Kitty while flapping her arms wildly. She jumped off the knife staircase and fell to the ground, but she didn't seem to comprehend that she fell 12 feet and bruised her knee. She was obviously on a HUGE pixie stix high.  
  
"MY PIXIE STIX!!!!!!" Grasshopper screamed in horror. "I was saving those to give to the poor Moombas!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Hey guys, did you know that Fal Jujas were BIG monsters that terrorize the Dominions and go GARRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!" Kitty exclaimed, while baring teeth and forming her fingers like claws.  
  
Moirae laughed nervously. "You know, you're good at that."  
  
Kitty smiled contentedly. "YUP!!!!!"  
  
"We didn't get the part..." said Moirae dejectedly. "I cracked on my high note.and well..Grasshopper forgot the whole song."  
  
"SHUT UP!!!!!!" screamed Grasshopper lunging at Moirae. "First I mess up the song, then my pixie stix are eaten by this freak, and now you criticize me!!!"  
  
They all get into a fight.  
  
Well, that's the end of chapter 2!!! *looks at fingers held up* yeah!!!! Ok, me (Grasshopper), Kitty, and Moirae can't do this by ourselves so we need more fangirls!!!! We know some of our friends are willing, HOW ABOUT YOU!? We only need about 5. Just send in a review telling us the following: looks, personality, habits, weapon. *Grasshopper is pushed out of the chair* Hi!!!! It's Kitty!!!!! Cows go MOOOOOOOO and Nachos are addictive!!!! *begins to sing Sparkling Diamonds to show up Grasshopper* *the pushing continues, only by Moirae this time* Hi. I'm back again. I type really well. Here's some advice: never drink Dr. Pepper while your friends are typing really funny things about ice cream truck drivers. It hurts. *feels throat, feels the burn, and gives keyboard back to Kitty* GARRRRRR!!!! {end transmission} 


	3. And Moreso

Disclaimer: We do not FF8, nor do they own us. Rights to the public. Booyaka. ~Kitty  
  
Chapter 3 Grasshopper come trudging into the dorm room she shares with Moirae (also used as their 'club house'), only to find her roomate and Kitty playing cat's cradle with one of the latter's many, MANY chains.  
  
"I have news that Squall got the main part," Grasshopper announced. "And Selphie as well."  
  
Moirae stood up. "WHAT??? How could that BE???"  
  
"Bees as in honey?" Kitty asked, standing up. The other two looked at her.  
  
"That wasn't funny at all," Grasshopper told her.  
  
Kitty shrugged. "Who said I was trying?"  
  
Moirae sighed. "And on more important matters....how did SELPHIE get the part????"  
  
"Her high-pitched singing and ability to remember words?" Kitty suggested. This time both of the others stared at her this time. "What? What did I do NOW????"  
  
"You were just your usual, blunt, self, of course." Moirae looked really mad that Selphie got the part, of all people. "WHY NOT RINOA, AT LEAST? BUT NO, IT JUST HAD TO BE SELPHIE!!!!!!!!" Both Kitty and Grasshopper moved to restrain her from taking a knife from the wall and going to Selphie's dorm.  
  
"Don't get violent yet, Moirae. I have lots of other plans up my sleeve. Don't worry," Grasshopper said, with a strange gleam in her eyes.  
  
"Uh-oh.. I don't like the way her eyes look," said Kitty uncertainly. "Back away, Moirae, VERY slowly.."  
  
"So what's your big plan, Grasshopper," asked Kitty, with noticeable hesitation.  
  
"Well, it goes kind of like this.."  
  
Zell's POV  
  
Obviously, Zell wasn't too happy about not getting a part in the play.  
  
"And I love Gone With the Wind too!!!" he thought to himself.  
  
Suddenly, a very strange idea popped into his head..  
  
"I better go back to my dorm and plan this out."  
  
As he was running back to his dorm, he saw Squall hitting his head against the wall. And yelling, "NONONONONONONOONONONONONONONONONONO!!!!!!!!  
  
"He must be crying with happiness." Zell thought. "Good job Squall! Wish it could have been me!"  
  
Squall's POV  
  
"Maybe- if- I -hit -my -head -over- and -over -against -the -wall and -yell,-I can- lose- my -voice- and -have -a -concussion- so -I don't- have- to- be- in- the- play." Squall thought in between head bangings.  
  
"Hey Squall!!!"  
  
"OH-NO-NOT-HER!"  
  
"Congrats on the part!!! Guess what! I made Scarlett O' Hara so we'll be getting married!!!!"  
  
"I-HATE-YOU-SELPHIE-TILMITT-GO-AWAY-AND-SHUT-UP-FOR-ON.WHAT!!!!!!!! I REFUSE TO GET MARRIED TO AN AIR-HEAD, HYPER, HAPPY-GO-LUCKY FREAK LIKE YOU!!!!!" he screamed turning around.  
  
Selphie looked as if she were about to cry when suddenly, Rinoa came up and punched Squall out.  
  
"Not only did you insult Selphie but you just proposed to her!!???" exclaimed Rinoa. "Either you explain or..."  
  
"Or what," said Squall interrupting her.  
  
"We'll break up!!"  
  
"OK, I'm sorry. Well...*explains what happened*"  
  
"OOOOOHHHH! Fine, I forgive you for the marriage thing but I'm still mad that you insulted Selphie. Now apologize!"  
  
She looks around for Selphie but she has left and you can here her crying from the bathroom. Squall waits for her outside the bathroom to apologize.  
  
"Sorry for yelling at you but I didn't want to be in the play." Said Squall.  
  
"Then why didn't you just go to Headmaster Cid's office and ask to be put off the list? That's what a bunch of kids did."  
  
Squall goes into the boys' bathroom and starts hitting his head against the sink.  
  
"WHY-GOD-WHY-DO-YOU-DO-THIS-TO-ME-I-DON'T-WANT-TO-BE-IN-THE-STUPID- PLAY!!!!!"  
  
Zell's POV  
  
"VOILA!!!" says Zell happily. He kisses the sheet of paper that he's been writing on for the last 2.5 hours. It says, "Mess up play. Figure out how."  
  
"Now all I have to do is recruit members to help me! I know! Those girls who are always on pixie stix highs!!! I can pay them with hotdogs! I really like that one chick with the pink and blue highlights!!!!"  
  
SFGC POV  
  
KNOCK KNOCK!!!  
  
"Who's there?" asks Grasshopper.  
  
"Zell," says Zell.  
  
"Ok, come on in!"  
  
"I was wondering, I need some help to mess up the play. I'm mad because I didn't get a part."  
  
"Sure. Why not? I didn't get a part either and my friends can steal Squall while we mess it up."  
  
At this point, Zell is still standing right next to the door with the door closed. Suddenly, Kitty and Moirae slam open the door, smashing Zell against the wall.  
  
"OH MY GOD!!! LOOK WHAT YOU DID!!!" screams Grasshopper.  
  
"Whatever," says Kitty. "I just realized something about 30 seconds ago! I've never seen you with your hair down! It's always up in a bun!!!"  
  
"You came and squished Zell just because of that!?" exclaims Grasshopper while helping Zell up and sending for Dr. Kadowaki.  
  
Zell is taken to the infirmary. Kitty and Moirae keep trying to persuade Grasshopper to take her hair down. But she insists that she is only going to take it out when the time is right. She looks at the spot where Zell's bloody nose hit the wall and then sighs. Kitty and Moirae look at each other.  
  
Selphie's POV  
  
"Wow, I figured Squall would've been happier about how I helped him out by signing him up," Selphie confessed to Quistis while eating a hotdog in the cafeteria. "I mean, COME ON!!!!! He had a freaking D in creative arts. But no. At least he tried out....I do kinda find it funny that he made the lead......"  
  
Quistis nodded absently, not paying attention. Once Selphie stopped ranting and raving about her problems, she noticed why.  
  
"Quisty!!! Stop flirting with Seifer and LISTEN!!!!!!!"  
  
"Oooooo, sorry," the blonde replied, looking up. "What were you saying??"  
  
Selphie grumbled and stood up to leave.  
  
"NO, wait Sefie, I'm sorry!!!! Come back!!!!!!"  
  
She stopped midway to the exit, noticing a gallery of Trepies watching intently.  
  
"Go eat your PIG CRAP and stop looking at me PEOPLE!!!!!!!"  
  
The group all turned and walked away slowly.  
  
"I'm sorry," Quistis apologized, coming up behind the brunette. "But I think I know of a way to help....."  
  
She butchered my baby!!!!!!!! GAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! *bangs head against wall* Oh well. Gingerale is foamy......~Kitty  
  
Why is it guys always go for the blondes? Why not ME once in a while? NOOOOOO. Zell has to like GRASSHOPPER... Oh well. I might have a chance with Squall later... when he finds out his dear Rinoa gets married to IRVINE!!!!!!!! Dr. Pepper kills. Evil. Dr. Pepper. GAR. Moirae *sings along to Bohemian Rhapsody* ~kitty  
  
Grasshopper- Oh..I wish I HAD AN OSCAR MEYER ZELL, CAUSE HE WOULD BE IN LOVE WITH ME! Cause if I had an Oscar Meyer Zell, he would be in love with he would be in love with he would be in love with meeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!  
  
You just like rubbing it in that he likes you, don't you? (Not that I am saying I like him, but I do like Squall, and he likes RINOA!) Moirae  
  
Do I get to name my gunblade now??????? ~Kitty. 


	4. Renzokuken Attack!

Disclaimer: We don't own FF8 or any of their characters.but if we did we'd add ourselves and kick Rinoa out *kicks Grasshopper out of the way* But we CAN own cheese!!!!!!!!!  
  
The First Rehearsal *dramatic music*  
  
Seifer's POV  
  
It was the night of the first rehearsal. Seifer had made the part as Scarlett's father. He wasn't to happy about that..he wanted to be Rhett because secretly, he had a crush on Selphie.  
  
"Hey Seifer!" yelled Selphie, "I made Scarlett!!!"  
  
"I know."  
  
"And Squall got Rhett!"  
  
Seifer fumed silently to himself. However, Selphie didn't notice this. She just kept talking.  
  
"Anyway, I'm really happy about this..living...regal...potato......blah blah blah blah."  
  
Seifer decided he no longer had a crush on Selphie. He looked over towards Quistis.  
  
(Hey, she's pretty hot.) He thought.  
  
Selphie's POV  
  
(How rude!) Selphie thought.  
  
She had still been talking to him when, suddenly, he walked off.  
  
"Hmph!" said Selphie.  
  
"Okay everyone! To the stage!" called out Nida. "Today all we'll be doing is Act one Scene one. So, here's everyone's scripts. Anyone not in the scene can go back to the dorms."  
  
"Okay Selphie. I need to hear your southern accent." Said Quistis.  
  
"Okay! War war war, if I hear one more word about war then I'm going in and slamming the door!"  
  
"Good job!"  
  
"Thanks!"  
  
The scene went by smoothly and without incident. Suddenly, out of the corner of Selphie's eyes, she sees Zell sneak in and steal a few hotdogs.  
  
(Hmmmm, maybe I'll go and get some too.) "Hi Zelly-Welly!!!!"  
  
"CRAP!" yelled Zell while she sees him running out.  
  
Squall's POV  
  
Squall was in his dorm with a monster headache. But then suddenly, the door burst open and all he could see for a moment was the silver of a slashing gunblade.  
  
"RENZOKUKEN!!!!!!!!"  
  
He started, not knowing what to think, when suddenly a blonde - with her hair in a bun, as always - came and tapped the attacker on the shoulder.  
  
"Ummmm, Kitty?" Grasshopper said, "You know that you can't do that, right?"  
  
The other blonde stopped, her gunblade suspended in the air before her. "Why not?"  
  
"Because..." The other continued, obviously annoyed that she had to explain it to her, "That's not one of your attacks. That's Squall's."  
  
"Oh," the taller one replied quietly. But then suddenly her eyes brightened again and she looked at the shocked Squall that she had just burst in on. "Sorry!!!!!!!"  
  
He said nothing.  
  
As Grasshopper tried to pull her out of the room, Seifer walked by.  
  
"What'd she do THIS time??" he asked, a little startled about the whole idea of that psyco breaking into a dorm room.  
  
Moirae sighed. "She got into ANOTHER stash of pixie stix, only we didn't let her run around OUR dorm this time. So I guess she just ran a little wild...."  
  
"A LITTLE??????" Squall finally shouted. "She did it AGAIN!!!!!! For the second time this WEEK!!!!!!"  
  
"No I DIDN'T," Kitty protested, "The last time I did that was LAST WEEK."  
  
Again, he had nothing to say.  
  
After a while, Kitty started running around with the gunblade so that Seifer had to tackle her to the ground and carry her out by her feet while she was screaming, "SQQQQQQUUUUUAAAAAAALLLL!!!! III'MMMMM SOOOOO BOOOOOOOREEEEED!!!!!!"  
  
Grasshopper and Moirae looked at each other and ran out, Grasshopper slamming into a wall as she did so.  
  
"OUCHIES!! I'm okay!"  
  
Squall looked at them leaving, laid down, and screamed, "RINOA!!!!!!"  
  
So, of course, out of thin air, Rinoa appears.  
  
"Get me some aspirin."  
  
SFGC POV  
  
"Kitty, I think that was the last straw." Said Grasshopper.  
  
"Really? Who took it?" asked Kitty obviously still on a pixie stix high.  
  
Moirae sighs and asks, "How did you pass your SeeD exam?"  
  
"I dunno," Kitty shrugged.  
  
Grasshopper went into her room and got out a straight jacket.  
  
"NNNOOOOOOOOOO NOT AGAIN!!!" screamed Kitty running into the wall.  
  
"Hey Grasshopper, I have an idea," said Moirae.  
  
A few minutes later, Grasshopper again came out of her closet but this time, with a whole bag of pixie stix stapled to the straight jacket.  
  
"Here Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty," lured Grasshopper.  
  
"PIXIES!!!!" yelled Kitty as she jumped into the straight jacket.  
  
Kitty was finally in the straight jacket happily eating pixie stix and hopping on her butt around the room.  
  
"There," said Moirae, "at least if she does get out of the dorm we can catch her."  
  
Suddenly, Grasshopper grabbed the pixie stix bag out of Kitty's hand and ate the rest of the pixie stix, wrappers and all.  
  
"THEY WERE MY PIXIE STIX!!!!" screamed Grasshopper.  
  
So then, Grasshopper ran into her closet and put on her kimono and chop sticks in her hair. She ran to the karaoke machine, turned it on, and started singing Baby Got Back. When she was done (and she had even danced) she ran out the dorm towards Zell's room. During this whole thing, Moirae and Kitty looked at her, looked at each other, and Moirae ran out the room, Kitty following hopping on her butt.  
  
Eventually, Kitty had managed to claw and bite her way out of the straight jacket, and now she, Moirae, Selphie, and Seifer (I guess he had nothing better to do) were sitting in the cafeteria eating lunch. Grasshopper had been tied up and left in her dorm, and, for the time being, completely forgotten.  
  
"I dunno why he doesn't like me," Kitty sighed.  
  
"I think I do," Moirae suggested, rolling her eyes. Kitty glared at her. "Well I DO," she protested.  
  
"Maybe he doesn't like intimidating girls," Selphie added.  
  
"Yeah, I guess he doesn't like being the weaker one," Seifer laughed out loud.  
  
Kitty flashed him her "eat shit or die" glare and punched him, then watched him fly into the wall. "Oooops..."  
  
"ME? Stonger? Hah, I doubt it." As Seifer finally regained his balance and walked back, brushing dust off of his jacket, they all stared at her. "What? What did I DO?????"  
  
"I guess it kinda tipped it off when you started going around balancing your gunblade on your forehead without falling or anything," Moirae suggested.  
  
Kitty shrugged again. "What, He didn't LIKE that????" They all stared at her, once again.  
  
Okay that's the end of chapter 4! Will Grasshopper be remembered? Will Moirae ever make us laugh? Will Seifer ever fix his (now) broken arm???? Find out in the next chapter, when Kitty finally gets to fly Garden!!!!!!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! 


	5. Kitty's In Trouble

Seifer's POV  
  
Seifer is in the infirmary because of his arm that Kitty broke. While Seifer is saying every cuss word known to man, Dr. Kadowaki is acting like one of those weird physiciatrists.  
  
"I can't believe that hyperactive b***h broke my arm!!!! %(&*$@#%^%T&*)^($#^%*^*!!!!" yelled Seifer.  
  
"Ok, but what are your true feelings?" asked Dr. Kadowaki.  
  
"UMMMMM...she's a f-ing moron?"  
  
"Very gooood!"  
  
(I can't believe this.) Seifer thought silently to himself.  
  
"You are one lucky person today though!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I happen to have a creme that will fix that arm right up in two days!"  
  
"Good, lay it on me!" *stop thinking wrong things you perverts!!!*  
  
**************************************************************************** **************  
  
Two Days Later  
  
Moirae's and Grasshopper's POV  
  
Grasshopper and Moirae had just finished their SeeD written test. Suddenly, Seifer ran in with a bandage on his arm and trying to regain his composure.  
  
"Uh-oh Seifer. You're late." said Quistis, "That will cost you 5 points."  
  
"UUURRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGG!!!" yelled Seifer. Then he saw the strange looks he was getting from Moirae and Grasshopper, the only other two in there. "Ummm yo?"  
  
"I sometimes hate him." whispered Grasshopper to Moirae.  
  
"Oh I dunno. I think he's kinda cute." said Moirae.  
  
Grasshopper gave her a look that was a cross between disgust, awe, wonderment, amusement, and strange.  
  
"Never mind" Moirae mumbled. After the written test, Quistis told Grasshopper and Moirae that they had passed that part of the exams. They then went back to their room, where they met Squall.  
  
"Hurry..huffpuff...you two...Kitty's..in...control room!" he said with a final gasp and falling to the floor in exhaustion.  
  
"Oh great." said Grasshopper in annoyance. "Let's revive him first and then go see what he's talking about.  
  
After they revived him, they ran to the control room where they saw Kitty trying to find the button that starts up the motors to fly the Garden.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!" Moirae yelled. "YOU DIDN'T EVEN INVITE ME TO HELP YOU FLY THE THING!!!"  
  
"Well, you were gone on your test and I thought this would be the only chance I got when Nida went on a coffee break." Kitty explained quite calmly.  
  
"THAT'S IT!!! GIVE ME THOSE CONTROLS!!!"  
  
"NOOOOOO!"  
  
"IT'S MINE!"  
  
"NO IT ISN'T!!!"  
  
OKAY YOU TWO! THAT'S IT!" Squall yelled over the argument. He tried to separate them but was only put down by Kitty's arm. Squall looked so ridiculous with his legs sprawled out on his butt that Grasshopper started to laugh but quickly stopped when she saw the look that Squall gave her.  
  
"Come on, we gotta go get some assistance." he said.  
  
"GIVE ME THE DAMN CONTROLS!!!" Kitty screamed.  
  
Squall and Grasshopper looked at each other and backed away slowly with no sudden movements. When they got out of the room, they broke out into a run.  
  
"Where are we going?" Grasshopper asked while running.  
  
"To find some type of teacher. I really don't care which one."  
  
Suddenly, they skidded right into Zell who was about to go get some hotdogs.  
  
"OUCH! Hey what's the big idea!?" yelled Zell.  
  
They told him the story and Zell came with him since he knew where Zida was. Along the way they bumped into Selphie and Irvine, who were making out behind a fake tree, they came too when they heard the story; Quistis but she just looked like they were crazy when they told her; and Seifer who laughed and said, "I could use some excitement." They finally found Zida and he almost flew to the control room.  
  
"What are you doing!" he asked as he entered the room. Then, the whole gang fell because of the sudden lurch the garden gave. They saw that Moirae was in the corner nursing a bloody nose but she sounded quite optamistic.  
  
"I almost won!" she said.  
  
"KITTY!!! PUT THE GARDEN BACK DOWN RIGHT NOW!!!" yelled Nida.  
  
"Oh fine." she said as she let the garden drop back. "Squall. Why did you tell? I was doing this for you!"  
  
"No you weren't." he replied annoyed.  
  
"Well, I thought of you as I did."  
  
"No you didn't."  
  
"I WAS BORED!! AND STOP WITH THE MIND GAMES!"  
  
I can see that and no I won't stop."  
  
Kitty hung her head and sniffled. "All I wanted was to fly the garden. I knew how because I found the instruction manual."  
  
"Um...there is no instruction manual." said Nida.  
  
"Then what's this?"  
  
"That is a recipe for pound cake, Kitty." said Irvine with a look of wonderment on his face.  
  
"Oh. I was wondering why they kept mentioning egg whites."  
  
The whole group sighed with annoyance.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************  
  
Irvine's POV  
  
"Figures. Our best make-out and Kitty tries to fly the Garden." said Selphie.  
  
"I know, but you know, we still have thirty minutes." Irvine said with a wink.  
  
Selphie giggled. "Oh, Irvy! You know I have to talk to Rinny at this time!"  
  
As Selphie walked off, Irvine was still leaning in for a kiss and he fell right into the "dirt" that the "tree" was in.  
  
"Kitty, I will hurt you." he said with clenched teeth.  
  
**************************************************************************** ******  
  
Zell's POV  
  
Zell walked into the cafeteria with hope. However, he didn't smell any hotdogs.  
  
"Are there any hotdogs left?" asked Zell anxiously.  
  
"Sorry but when the Garden lurched like that, all the hotdogs flew out the window and into a puddle." said the lunchlady apologetically.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"  
  
Zell ran outside to look in every puddle. He finally found a half- disentigrated hotdog in a deep puddle. He got it out and took a bite of it. He started to feel sick.  
  
"I will hurt you Kitty." he said before running to the infirmary.  
  
*******************************************************  
  
Seifer's POV  
  
"Hey! Why are we still on the ground!?" Seifer yelled. He wanted some excitement after his bad day but now he didn't even have that. As he walked back to his dorm, he said, "I will hurt you Kitty."  
  
*************************************************************  
  
Selphie's POV  
  
Selphie started walking towards Rinoa's dorm to go have their hour of girl talk. However, Rinoa was already running towards Squall's dorm to make sure he was okay.  
  
"But Rinny!" Selphie whined. "We always talk together each day."  
  
"I can't Selph! I have to make sure Squall doesn't need me."  
  
(SQUALL SQUALL SQUALL. That's all who she cares about!) Selphie thought to herself.  
  
"Kitty, I will hurt you."  
  
**************************************************************************** **  
  
Squall's POV  
  
Great, now I have another headache." said Squall sarcstically. "Must she annoy me like this everyday?"  
  
KNOCK KNOCK!  
  
"OOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!' screamed Squall in pain while clutching his head.  
  
"Kitty, I will hurt you."  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
Rinoa's POV  
  
"What's wrong Squall?" Rinoa yelled through the door.  
  
"Go away!!! I don't want to talk to anybody right now!" he replied rudely.  
  
"Can I help you with anything?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
As Rinoa walked back hurt she said, "Kitty, I will hurt you."  
  
**************************************************************************  
  
Quistis's POV  
  
"File not found." beeped the computer Quistis was at.  
  
"WHAT!!!!" she yelled.  
  
She had been working on a huge project that was due to Headmaster Cid in two hours, no exceptions.  
  
"I'm sorry, but the lurch made many files delete themselves." the librarian said.  
  
As Quistis hurried up to re-do it she said, "Kitty, I will hurt you."  
  
***********************************************  
  
Moirae's POV  
  
"I think your nose is broken." said Dr. Kadowaki.  
  
"Don't you have any of that cream that you used for Seifer?" asked Moirae.  
  
"No. Kitty had broken the bone so bad that I had to use all the creme."  
  
"I will hurt you Kitty." said Moirae.  
  
"But what are your true feelings?" said Dr. Kadowaki absently.  
  
*************************************************************************  
  
Grasshopper's POV  
  
"Has anyone seen Zell?" Grasshopper asked every person she ran into.  
  
"No."  
  
Grasshopper sighed. She was trying to find Zell so that she could ask him out.  
  
"Have you seen Zell?" she asked Seifer.  
  
"Yeah, Chicken-Wuss is in the infirmary throwing up a bad hotdog."  
  
"STOP CALLING HIM CHICKEN-WUSS!!!!" she screamed so loud that a few windows around them cracked.  
  
"OOOOOOOOOOO someone likes Chicken-Wuss. Why would you like him?"  
  
"Well, it's a choice between you and Zell. I think I'll go with the one with the brain who can actually pass a SeeD test."  
  
Seifer actually looked insulted but she didn't care. All she was thinking was how bad she would beat Kitty with her jump-rope. "Kitty, I will hurt you," she said.  
  
**************************************************************************** **********  
  
Kitty's POV  
  
"Hey guys. What's up?" Kitty said looking up as Squall, Rinoa, Irvine, Selphie, Zell, Seifer, Quistis, Grasshopper, and Moirae piled into her room. They all had their hands clutching something behind their back.  
  
"Um...guys?" she asked now with panic in her voice as she looked at all the frowns directed towards her.  
  
"It's payback time." said Squall.  
  
"HUH?"  
  
"Ready guys?"  
  
"YEAH!"  
  
They all brought there hands from their back. They each had a a ten pound bag of pixie stix.  
  
"OOOOOOOOOOOO! What are you going to do with those? Force-feed me? Believe me, I don't mind." said Kitty with relief in her voice.  
  
"Nope." said Grasshopper. "We're going to eat them one bag at a time and you have to watch us."  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" screamed Kitty lunging for the bags.  
  
"Hey guys! I'm Binx!"  
  
Everyone turned around to look at the intruder. She was really tall with very short blue hair. She had a dagger in her belt that had to be ten inches long. She was wearing all black: long skirt, halter top, combat boots, and various jewelry. There was another girl with her but she was too busy looking at the pixie stix bags with interest.  
  
"Oh, and this is my twin sister, Kola." explained Binx.  
  
Kola couldn't look any different than her sister. She was at least seven inches shorter than Binx. She had light brown hair with blonde highlights and she was wearing a very girly outfit:blue tube top, khaki miniskirt, and black, chunky shoes. She also had a bag in her belt loop that was labeled "ninja stars."  
  
"Can we help you?" asked Moirae.  
  
"Yeah. Can me and Kola be in your fanclub?"  
  
"You have a fanclub?" Squall asked Grasshopper  
  
"Yeah. It's called The Squell Fan Girls Club!" said Kola speaking for the first time.  
  
"Squell?" asked Zell.  
  
"You know, a Squall and Zell fan club."  
  
"STOP IT!!!!" screamed Grasshopper, Moirae, and Kitty at the same time.  
  
"They're not supposed to know!" exclaimed Moirae.  
  
"Ooops." said Binx.  
  
"Here. I'll fix this." said Kitty.  
  
By this time, all the Final Fantasy 8 characters were looking at the five with disbelief. Kitty went up to them and cast confuse on them.  
  
"What just happened?" asked Selphie.  
  
"These girls came in and asked if we'd be their friends." said Moirae as calm as she could.  
  
"COOL MORE FRIENDS!!!" Quistis, Rinoa, and Selphie exclaimed all at the same time.  
  
"Crap." said Seifer.  
  
"Whatever." said Squall.  
  
"I NEVER GOT MY HOTDOGS!!!!" Zell yelled.  
  
"Here Zell," said Grasshopper. "You can have mine. I'm not hungry anymore."  
  
"Yeah, like you actually kept those in your purse just in case you got hungry." said Seifer sarcasically. He started singing under his breath, "Grasshopper and Zell sittin' in a tree...."  
  
He wasn't able to finish though. All of a sudden, Grasshopper went up to Seifer and slapped him as hard as she could in the face. Squall started clapping. Grasshopper went over to Kitty and Moirae and said under her breath, "Owww!"  
  
Zell said, "Go girl!" though he had no clue what had just happened. He was too busy eating the hotdogs he had craved for.  
  
*********************************************************************  
  
ONE WEEK BEFORE THE PLAY  
  
Squall's POV  
  
"Can we please do a stage kiss?" Squall whined to Xu.  
  
"No. I'm sorry but you are all mature adults, with the exception of Irvine, so I know you can live without kissing Rinoa for the 15 minutes." replied Xu.  
  
"Fine!" (I really don't want to do this. But I guess it's my only way out of having to do this.) Squall thought to himself.  
  
"Okay people," Quistis said, "lets cut to the marriage of Rhett (Squall) and Scarlett (Selphie) then we'll go back to the homecoming of Ashley (Irvine) and Melanie (Rinoa) running into his arms."  
  
"Action!" commanded Nida.  
  
The scene went by smoothly until the kiss. He gave her a huge smooch.  
  
"EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!!!" screamed Selphie when the scene was over and she was able to rinse her mouth out.  
  
"Great job Leonhart!" praised Nida. "That's exactly how I want it!"  
  
Squall's jaw dropped and all the color drained from his face. He went over to the set where the O' Hara's house was supposed to be. He went to the water barrel and dipped his head in it. (Maybe if I stay in here long enough, I'll drown.) thought Squall. But that didn't work the way he wanted to either. Xu had just pulled his head back from the barrel, gave him a lecture about messing around, and told him to go dry off.  
  
Rinoa was not happy when Squall wasn't able to persuade Xu to let them do a stage kiss. This meant she had to kiss Irvine at least three times in one night. Luckily, Squall took her to a fancy Japanese restaraunt that night and took her to a movie. When they got to the theater, they saw that "Gone With the Wind" was playing. They looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders, they went to go see it. Four hours later (literally) they came out.  
  
"That was.....was....THE WORST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!!!! yelled Rinoa.  
  
"Definantly number 2 on my worst movies of all time list." said Squall.  
  
"What's number one?"  
  
"Darkness Falls."  
  
"Oh yeah, I can see that."  
  
**************************************************************************  
  
That's the end of Chapter 5!!!! Grasshopper: ZELL WILL BE MINE AND I WILL ASK HIM OUT!!!!!!  
  
Kitty grabs the keyboard from Grasshopper. Kitty: Chicken-wuss Chicken-wuss Chicken-wuss Chicken-wuss Chicken-wuss. Moirae grabs the keyboard from Kitty: Seifer's cool. DIE QUISTIS!!!!!!!! Sorry. I had pixie stix. And soda. Not Dr. Pepper. It's evil. All of us: Welcome to our 2 fangirls!!!! Binx and Kola!!!! 


	6. The Stuffness

Everyone except Grasshopper is eating lunch. Zell has been put on a no- meat (including hot-dogs) diet by Dr. Kadowaki because of high cholesterol. He was looking at his salad with disgust. Grasshopper runs in with a whole lot of chocolate in her hands. She gives some to everyone and exclaims, "GUESS WHAT GUYS!!!??? IT'S ONLY 7 MONTHS, 20 DAYS, 5 HOURS AND," she looks at her watch, "13 SECONDS TIL EASTER!!!!!!  
  
Zell looks at his salad and Grasshopper. Then he screams, "HALLUCINATIONS FROM HOTDOG DEPRIVATION!!!!!" and runs out of the cafeteria while onlookers make a few weird faces.  
  
"Wow. The no-meat diet has made Zell smarter. COOL!" says Rinoa.  
  
".....Whatever..." (guess who.)  
  
"Chicken-wuss just wants attention." Says Seifer.  
  
"You're right, Seifer!" says Moirae quickly agreeing with him.  
  
Seifer looks at her with a face no one has ever seen him with. It looked as if he were seeing Moirae for the first time. ((A/N: Grasshopper: As I read this to Moirae and Kitty, Moirae let out a piercing scream and Kitty laughed her head off. Ah love!))  
  
Meanwhile, Grasshopper had started singing, "Easter's almost here, oh yes it is. Well maybe it's nooooott!!!!"  
  
"SHUT UP OR I'LL TELL EVERYONE HOW YOU LOVE ZELL!" screamed Seifer loud enough for their table to hear.  
  
"GRASSHOPPER. LOVE. ZELL? HA. HA. HA!" laughed Fujin.  
  
"Why would you wanna date him, ya know?" asked Rajin.  
  
Grasshopper's jaw dropped and she took out her jump rope. She had been training so that her HP was down. She took hold of each handle and two spikes come out of the handles. Then she did a series of whipping/ stabbing attacks on Seifer. ((That was Grasshopper's limit break, Bonsai.))  
  
"CRAP DAMMIT!" yelled the now bleeding Seifer as he jumped up to get a potion.  
  
"Soooooo...you like Zell?" asked Selphie. "Not a bad choice."  
  
"HEY!" exclaimed Irvine dropping his hamburger.  
  
"Uhhh.I mean..FOR HER YEAH!" said Selphie correcting herself.  
  
"Ohhhhhhhhhhh okay."  
  
Grasshopper sat down. Then she sighed unhappily. "I don't know what to dooooo!" she whined. "I know that he likes me too but he's too shy to say it!"  
  
"So why don't you just ask him?" asked Quistis.  
  
"Because I'm too shy!"  
  
Squall and Rajin sweatdrops.  
  
**************************************************************************** **** Six Days Before the Play  
  
"Good work you guys!" Xu said. "By the time of the play, you should be perfect!"  
  
::She actually thinks that this play is going well?:: thought Squall to himself.  
  
"Ooooo, goodie! I can't wait until opening night! How about you, Rinny?" asked Selphie.  
  
"I can't wait either, Selphie! I am soooooooo excited!" Rinoa answered.  
  
Throughout all of this, Squall is just standing beside Rinoa, waiting for her to end the conversation so they can go back to their dorms. Xu broke in on his thoughts.  
  
"So, Squall, are you ready for opening night? Have you memorized all of your lines and stuff? Are you nervous?"  
  
::Why is this freak talking to me as if I am a three year old?:: Squall thought.  
  
"Yeah, I guess so," Squall replied.  
  
"Good, because we don't have anyone to replace you if you, like, for instance, got sick or died or forgot your lines." Xu said. "I wish all of you luck this Friday, and get some rest! And above all- DON'T GET SICK!"  
  
Everyone began walking back toward their dorms, when Squall walked into Zell, who was heading towards Grasshopper's dorm.  
  
"What are you doing, Zell?" asked Squall.  
  
"Ummmmmmm, nothing..." he replied.  
  
"Whatever. Just watch where you're walking. And something else- what are you muttering about?" Squall queried.  
  
"I am not muttering about anything... ummm... important, Squall. And besides, what would you care anyway?"  
  
"Well, aren't you trying to be Mr. Anti-Social? .....Whatever." Squall said as he walked off.  
  
As it happens, Zell was muttering about what he was going to say to Grasshopper when he showed up at her dorm door. And so, he continued walking, without muttering to himself, just in case he met Seifer along the way.  
  
**************************************************************************** **** ::Just my luck:: thought Seifer as he was walking back to his dorm. :: Why do I ALWAYS have to tick everyone off?::  
  
As he was walking around a corner, he ran into Kitty. "Hey, have you seen Moirae? I need to talk to her." he asked.  
  
"Well, actually, I think that she got sick, and now she's in her dorm. It'd probably be better if you didn't go there!" she called after him.  
  
Seifer stopped running. "Why not?"  
  
"Because Grasshopper is still really mad at you, and they are sharing dorms until they pass their SeeD test. And let's just say that Grasshopper wouldn't appreciate you walking in on her misery."  
  
"Oh," he replied. "Why is she miserable?"  
  
"Because of what you said at lunch, and because she just can't get Zell outta her head. And she's just really mad." Kitty walked off, in the direction of her dorm.  
  
::Just when I needed to talk to Moirae, too:: he thought.  
  
**************************************************************************** ****  
  
Quistis ushered five people behind her through the halls of the garden. All four were girls, and they looked as if they were about fifteen or sixteen.  
  
The tallest had shoulder-length strawberry-blonde hair and blue eyes, and wore what seemed to be a casual outfit of a blue baby tee and khaki pants, her hair pulled up into a bun on the top of her head.  
  
There were two of the others that were in a very close second. One of them dark brown hair ((almost black!! Ne)) and equally dark eyes. Her most distinguishing clothing were eight bangles on her right arm and a red and blue turquoise choker.  
  
The other, one as tall as the latter, had actual black hair with reddish- brown highlights and dark brown eyes. She, though, wore a black wife beater, combat pants, and combat steel-toed boots.  
  
The last was the shortest, a girl with long blonde hair and blue eyes, who seemed to have a habit of wearing pink, stripes, and hip-huggers.  
  
"Now, girls, this is the training center." She motioned towards the green hallway. "This is the ONLY place opened after lights out besides the dorms. As you can see, it's a crucial part of Garden education."  
  
"Hey, Quistis!!"  
  
She turned around to, only to find Seifer coming to her.  
  
She cleared her throat, annoyed. "Seifer Almasy. . ."  
  
"OH!" He brushed off his trench coat. "Hello, Instructor. Would you mind telling me where Moirae Skuld is?"  
  
She shrugged. "No. Didn't you just run into Miss Nevohkrew?"  
  
He shook his head quickly. "Nope. That was Kitty. She told me not to go and see Grasshopper and Moirae, but I though that..er- Miss SKULD would have gone out by now."  
  
She grinned. "Nope! Sorry, Seifer."  
  
He then carefully looked over each of the girls with interest, his eye lingering longer on the girl with the...interesting footwear.  
  
She giggled. "My name is Raven." She extended her hand for him to shake, and he grinned largely and took it.  
  
"Seifer."  
  
Quistis growled. "Okay, everyone, let's GO." She pushed the girls along, but not before Raven waved goodbye with a sultry look in her eyes. Seifer blushed, but swallowed hard as he continued walking.  
  
**************************************************************************** ****  
  
Keiry elbowed Raven in the ribs lightly, aggravated. "Five minutes into the school and you've all ready got a follower."  
  
She shrugged. "Hey, if you're good.."  
  
Samy sighed. "Get over yourself."  
  
Lori nodded in agreement. She tossed her long blonde hair over her shoulder.  
  
Raven stuck her thumbs in her belt loops and sulkily followed their guide. "So stab my foot," she mumbled under her breath.  
  
**************************************************************************** ****  
  
Grasshopper is sobbing on her bed in her and Moirae's dorm. Moirae was comforting her. Suddenly, Quistis walked in with the four girls.  
  
"GRASSHOPPER? MOIRAE?" exclaims Lori (the short blonde) and Samy (the tall strawberry-blonde).  
  
Grasshopper's tears are quickly dried and she and Moirae jump up. "OHMIGAWD! LORI! SAMY!" yells Grasshopper. "When did you get here!"  
  
"A couple hours ago." Says Lori.  
  
"Yup." Agrees Samy.  
  
"Kitty is here too!" says Moirae.  
  
"OHMIGAWD!" screams all four girls going in a group hug. Quistis clears her throat.  
  
"So I see you two know each other."  
  
"Yup, we were all middle school friends." says Samy.  
  
Raven and Keiry are talking. "Yeah, I really think Seifer likes me..." says Raven.  
  
Moirae sharply turns around. "WHAT! NO SEIFER'S MINE!"  
  
Everyone looks at her. "Oops..."  
  
"Oh okay, I'll just keep hoping for Auron." Raven says hopefully. Then she sees a group picture with Irvine, Zell, Seifer, and Squall with their shirts off at the beach. She runs up to it and starts to drool. "Ca-can I- I have a c-copy of this?" She is still drooling.  
  
"Ummmm..okay..." says Moirae  
  
Irvine walks in. "Hey Moirae! Seifer's been wanting to talk to you."  
  
"Okay. See ya'll later!"  
  
Irvine looks at Keiry. "Wow! You're hair is so dark it's almost black!"  
  
Keiry narrows her eyes and punches him in the face.  
  
Squall walks in.  
  
"LEON!" screams Samy.  
  
"Wha...?" says Squall.  
  
"Oops, I mean Squall hehehe!" says Samy correcting herself.  
  
Kitty growls from wherever she was on the other side of the Garden. ((Cuz she's telepathic!! MWHAHAHAHAHA!!!!)) ***************************************************************************  
  
Grasshopper was running down the halls trying to find Moirae, Kitty, Binx, Kola, and Zell. However she ran into Keiry, Lori, Samy, and Raven instead.  
  
"Hi Grasshopper. We were wondering if we could be in the fanclub" Lori asks.  
  
"Sure! Come on! We gotta have to go to a meeting anyway. Split up and look for everyone and tell them to come to me and Moirae's dorm."  
  
"And where do we go after that?" asks Raven densely.  
  
Grasshopper slaps her hand to her forehead. "TO MY ROOM!"  
  
************************************************************************  
  
"Okay everyone!" says Grasshopper with the following people in her room talking: Zell, Kitty, Moirae, Kola, Binx, Lori, Samy, Raven, and Keiry. They continue talking.  
  
"SHUT UP!"  
  
Everyone stops except for grasshoppers chirping.  
  
"SHUT UP!" she screams as she stomps on them. She looks down at her foot. Her lips start to tremble and starts to cry. "WHAT HAVE I DONE!??"  
  
"Hoooooooo boy.." says Kola.  
  
"Anywayyyyyyyyy..." says Grasshopper going back to normal. ((Or at least as normal as she can get.)) "It's almost time for the play and we MUST destroy it!"  
  
"And we are doing this beeeeeecaaaause.?" asks Binx.  
  
"BECAAAAAAAUUUUUUUSE..we didn't get a part in the play!"  
  
"Well that's your problem." She says getting a book about cat people from her purse.  
  
"Binx, you had better pay attention, or I'm gonna throw my ninja stars at you!" said Kola, nudging her sister in the ribs.  
  
Binx only snorted in reply.  
  
"So, they're helping too?" Moirae asked, indicating the four new transfer students.  
  
"If I make them," Kitty replied, playing with the long string on her fingers.  
  
"Who says you get to make us?" Samy asked, rising to her feet.  
  
Kitty glared at her. "Who's to say I can't?"  
  
She quickly sat down.  
  
Grasshopper rolled her eyes. "A-anyway. . . .we have to devise a plan to-"  
  
"Run around on some distant golf course with pillow cases over our heads while screaming 'I'm a hamster, I'm a hamster'?" Zell piped in finally.  
  
Kitty raised an eyebrow. "Only if you're not nude this time doing it."  
  
He snapped his fingers.  
  
Grasshopper's eyes widened. "Oooooooooooooooookay....anyway. On to BUSINESS. I have a plan. You see, I've acquired costumes that we can all wear to sneak onto the set so we'll look like extras, then, when they least expect it, we'll kick 'em in the SHINS!!!!"  
  
Raven sighed. "And THEN we pull out the giant lobsters??"  
  
Grasshopper scratched her head. "Giant. . . .lobsters. . . . .?"  
  
Keiry sighed. "But Kitty said . . . . ."  
  
Everyone stared at Kitty. "Weeeeeeeeell, you have to admit, it WAS a good idea."  
  
Zell looked at Grasshopper. They both shrugged.  
  
"I see Vega!!!" Lori shouted from where she lay on her back on the floor, making patterns with her index finger in the air.  
  
"No you don't," Samy intervened.  
  
She sat up. "Oh, okay. Just making sure I wasn't hallucinating."  
  
"And this proves. . ." Raven dared to venture.  
  
"Nothing," Lori shrugged.  
  
All sighed.  
  
"All right guys, here's the plan," Grasshopper leaned in, ready to reveal all.  
  
**************************************************************************** **** **************************************************************************** ****  
  
WAAAAAAAAAIIIIIII!!!!!! Okie-day. That was brief. I get to write the note first since I finished up the story!!! ^^ Okay, yeah, we tried to fit all the fan girls in it, so don't hate us!!! We really tried. So that means that fan girls must review and tell us whether or not we did a good job. Okay? Okay. Good. Now. . . er- bye. |~|Kitty|~|  
  
Grasshopper: Don't ask about the running on a golf course thing....ANYWAY..PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!! Oh..Moirae wants to talk now..  
  
Hello. It is really late right now, but not as late as when we wrote the first few chapters. I have a couple of things to say. First off, Grasshopper is delusional. Secondly: PLEASE FRICKING REVIEW KITTY'S STORY "THICKER THAN BLOOD" SHE NEEDS TEN REVIEWS BEFORE SHE WILL POST THE 7TH AND LAST CHAPTER, AND SHE WON'T EVEN TELL ME WHAT HAPPENS!!!!!!!!!! WAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *(Moirae)*  
  
Kitty says: Yes. She's insane. Okay, bye bye. 


	7. Preparation

Author's Note: Grasshopper- YAY! We're finally updating! This is going to hopefully be a longer chappy. Kitty's getting the pixie stix because it is veeeeeeery late. We're dedicating this chapter to Ralien and Smoogis because we forgot to put a memo that we didn't have enough room for more fangirls. Thanks for your positive reviews though! If we make another fic, we'll put ya in it!  
  
Disclaimer: We don't own them.  
  
We find Zell walking aimlessly to the cafeteria. He is actually going earlier than usual, just so that he can get more hotdogs. He's sneaking hotdogs. how rude. He gets a hotdog, and walks over to his table. Then, he hears someone shout.  
  
"Stop!" It was Seifer, Fujin, and Rajin. "You're on a diet!" Seifer yelled. "Give me the hotdog! NOW!"  
  
"You'll never get it from me!" Zell screams, shaking his head and then he shoves the hotdog in his mouth.  
  
"Add him to the list." Seifer says quietly. Fujin jots down Zell's name on a notepad, then flips the cover back on.  
  
"What list?" Zell asks, looking frightened and intrigued all at once.  
  
"THE list, Chicken-Wuss. And guess what? You're the first to have the honor of being on it."  
  
"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!"  
  
"You heard me. CHICKEN-WUSS."  
  
"I don't need this!" Zell exclaimed stomping out of the room. As he walked to his dorm, he was surprised to hear a lot of stomping and things being dragged across the floor. He knocked. No one answered. He walked in to find Moirae pushing boxes of who-knows-what in the corners of the room. Grasshopper was meditating.  
  
"What the hell?" Zell asked scratching his head with a confused look on his face.  
  
"We're moving to separate dorms." Moirae answered, putting duct tape on another box and pushing it to the corner. "So we're packing all our stuff up." Moirae looks at Grasshopper. "Well, anyway I'm packing."  
  
"Oh.Want some help?" he asked picking up the box effortlessly that Moirae was pushing.  
  
"Uh, sure, whatever." she said. "Do I smell hotdogs?"  
  
"Uh.NO!"  
  
*************************************************************  
  
Later That Day  
  
"Great job everyone! We are definitely ready for opening night tomorrow!" Xu said as everyone filed off the stage. They had been rehearsing for the last six hours. They were exhausted and grumpy. They started to go to the dressing rooms to change out of their costumes when Xu yelled out something.  
  
"WAIT! We need to take pictures." Everyone groaned but trudged back to the stage. The next fifteen minutes were spent by everyone being arranged. First by last names, then height, eye color, hair, etc. It went on and on. They took at least one hundred pictures. When it was all over, Squall walked into the dressing room got changed back into his regular clothes, and started walking back to his dorm. On the way there, he met Kitty, who was heading to the training center.  
  
"Hey Squall!"  
  
::Oh shit.:: thought Squall.  
  
"You wanna come to the training center with me?"  
  
"No. I want to get back to my dorm and SLEEP. something which I am surprised you aren't doing." He said, looking annoyed and tired at the same time.  
  
"Well, I usually stay up later than everyone else. I guess that I have more energy or something, I dunno." She replied, looking at him curiously. "Well, I'm off."  
  
Squall walked back to his dorm. He went over to his bed, lay down, and fell into a sleep that was haunted by nightmares of the upcoming play. He was dreaming that the play was a hit, and that they wanted to keep it showing. year round. He woke up, screaming his head off. *********************************************************** In Grasshopper's Head, During Her Meditation  
  
::I really do like Zell. I wonder if he likes me? NO! I MUST CONCENTRATE! Okay, focus on a light bulb. Make it turn on. There, that's better. Hmm.I wonder what Zell likes in a girl? NO! Light bulb! Must.make.light.up! Hehe I love it when Zell's face lights up. Does that count? NO! Garrrr..forget it!!!!..::  
  
Grasshopper comes out of her meditation to find everything in the room gone.  
  
"What the? Maybe Moirae's right..maybe there is a matrix...Hmm.whatever, I gotta work on my karate anyway. ((A/N: Bet you didn't know Grasshopper took karate. She started taking it before she even knew who Zell was.)) She started to walk towards the training center and take on some grats since she wasn't very strong with her hands yet. She walked into the training center and immediately met up with a grat.  
  
But then, suddenly, out jumped Seifer, clad in a yellow, feathery tunic, with a papier-mâché beak strapped to his face.  
  
"I am the Amazing Choco-Boy!" he shrieked, suddenly running around in circles.  
  
Grasshopper stood slack-jawed, the ready jump rope falling from her grip.  
  
And then she noticed Kitty standing behind him, her mischievously cocky smile seemingly painted on her face. She toyed with her crescent necklace absently with shear delight of watching the older student flail about.  
  
After regaining her bearings, Grasshopper pointed an accusing finger at the SeeD. "What have you DONE?"  
  
Kitty laughed maniacally. "Its not a question of what I've done, but what I am to DO!"  
  
Grasshopper stared in disbelief. "Did you cast some Confuse on him or something? Or was it that faulty Doom again?"  
  
Kitty looked offended. "Why Grasshopper, what has become of you to make you sink so low as to accuse a friend of such a crime?"  
  
Seifer ran around clucking before he stopped in front of Grasshopper and tilted his head. "Tea, anyone? Are you MAD?"  
  
"Yes, yes, my pet," Kitty continued, in her most devious tone, "We're ALL mad here."  
  
Grasshopper's eyes widened. "You figured out how to use that hookah, didn't you?"  
  
Again, Kitty laughed maniacally, before skipping off, Seifer in tow. But, before she was out of earshot, she called back, "But you can never deprive me of my sake!" ((A/N: Kitty's a very persuasive person. Do not deny the mind games, for Ragnarok shall be your destiny!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! *Grasshopper and Moirae commence in bagging Kitty and carrying her to Valhalla, where they lock her in her room* Grasshopper: Bad Kitty. Moirae: Just so long as I don't feel THIS later.....))  
  
But anyway, Grasshopper went off to battle some Grats to let off some steam. ((Did we mention this already? I dunno, I'm too lazy to look back.)) She was going to tell Zell..soon. Sometime today.  
  
*********************************************************** Moirae was in her new dorm, arranging and rearranging the furniture, trying to get everything to fit. She wondered where Kitty and Grasshopper were. probably doing something in the training center. She looked at the furniture, pushed a table up against the wall, and walked over to the training center.  
  
On the way there, she saw Kitty. And also, to her horror, Seifer. And not just Seifer in his plain clothes. Nooo. in a chocobo costume, following Kitty around. ::What the hell.. NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! WHY HAS THIS ABOMINATION OCCURED???????:: She rushed toward Kitty. "What have you DONE?"  
  
"I'm just having fun. you can't blame me for being bored, can you?"  
  
"Will the mind games never cease? Come on Seifer, I think that you need to go back to your dorm.. NOW." And with that, she pulled Seifer toward his dorm.  
  
"But Mommy, I want to chase the moogles for another hour!" Seifer complained, reluctantly following Moirae.  
  
As they got back to his dorm, she shoved him inside. "Now. you will go and get changed. Then, when you are done, you will come back our here, ok? I'm going to undo whatever Kitty has done. if I can." Moirae shut the door.  
  
She stood outside in the hallway, waiting for him to come back out. As she was wondering what the hell Kitty had done, Grasshopper walked by with a black eye and some minor scratches. "What the hell happened to you?"  
  
"Stupid T-Rexaurs.." Grasshopper cursed under her breath, walking by Moirae, heading to the infirmary.  
  
::OK, fine, don't tell me what happened, then.:: Moirae thought. Just then the door opened. Seifer came out, looking confused.  
  
"OK, why was I wearing a chocobo costume, and how did I get back to my dorm?"  
  
"Kitty messed with your head, apparently. I guess that she did it just for the heck of it. And I brought you back to your dorm. just to make sure that she didn't do anything else." Moirae told him.  
  
"Oh, well, thanks. Now, where's Kitty? I think that she and I need to have a little chat." Seifer said, with a look that plainly said: 'I am so going to kill that bitch for this!' in his eyes. "Ummm, well, I don't know where she is right now. I think that she's back in her dorm. and I really don't think that it would be a good idea to go and disturb her right now. she's in her I-want-to-mess-with-people's-minds mood tonight, and judging by what she did to you, I'd say stay out of her way."  
  
"Fine. Anyway, I heard that you and Grasshopper were moving into new dorms. Is that true?" Seifer asked, making conversation.  
  
"Yeah. I'm not finished with arranging the furniture yet, and I KNOW that Grasshopper hasn't started on ANY of it, so right now it's a complete wreck."  
  
"Well, uh, if you need any help, you know where to find me." He said.  
  
"Thanks. Well, I better be going. it's late. good night." Moirae said, looking in his eyes.  
  
"Yeah. good night. See you later, I guess."  
  
"Bye." Moirae turned and walked back to her dorm. ************************************************************ Grasshopper had just finished putting band-aids on her scratches when Moirae returned. "Well, how'd it go?" Grasshopper asked.  
  
"What's THAT supposed to mean?" Moirae asked suspiciously.  
  
"Well. uh. I saw you hanging around outside Seifer's dorm, so I uh." she broke off, looking nervous.  
  
"Nothing happened. I was bringing him back to his dorm. Kitty did something to him, like brainwashed him into dressing up in a chocobo costume. and I wanted to make sure that he was okay." Moirae told her, wishing that she would just lay off the subject.  
  
"Oh. Well, I kinda knew that she had done something, because when I was in the training center, he jumped out of the bushes, yelling "I'm Choco-boy!" or some crap like that. Then Kitty turned up, toying with that necklace of hers, and I knew that she had done something to him."  
  
"Well, how'd you do in the training center?" Moirae asked.  
  
"Well, I went in there just to fight grats, then this stupid T-Rexaur showed up, and I knew I was screwed, so I ran. Happy?" Grasshopper was not in a very good mood.  
  
"OK, OK, no need to bite my head off! Anyway, I'm going to sleep." Moirae replied.  
  
"Me too. See ya in the morning!" Grasshopper called after her.  
  
************************************************************  
  
"I'm so tired!" Grasshopper said to herself in her new dorm. It was 4:16 in the morning. She couldn't get to sleep for two reasons. One, she was still trying to think of what to say to Zell later that day. Two, she usually listened to music, but because of her unorganized packing skills, she couldn't find her stereo. "I will go to sleep! I will go to zzzzzzzz.."  
  
Moirae was still wide awake. She was at the secret spot, very bored. She tried to get on the roof, but that didn't work out too well, so she settled for sitting on the wall. Lori suddenly appeared. They started talking.  
  
Kitty was still laughing about how Seifer was in a chocobo costume. She decided that she wanted to control Samy and Raven next. She sneaked out of her dorm and stood outside their dorm. And waited..  
  
************************************************************  
  
It was seven a.m., and everyone was in Moirae and Grasshopper's dorm. When we say everyone, we mean Moirae, Seifer, Kitty, Kola, Binx, Lori, Grasshopper, Zell, Raven, Keiry, and everyone else in the group that was bent on destroying the play. "All right, people, listen up!" shouted Grasshopper. No one paid attention. Then Kitty spoke in a soft whisper.  
  
"Everyone. shut up. Now." Everyone went quiet. ::I have such good persuasive skills.. Feed my ego!:: she thought to herself.  
  
Grasshopper spoke up. "All right. Everyone in favor of totally destroying the play, raise your hand." Everyone but Binx raised their hands. Kola nudged her in the ribs. Binx reluctantly raised her hand, and continued reading her cat people book. "Good. Now we just need to figure out how we're going to do it, and then we're going to run it, until we get it perfect. Got it?"  
  
Everyone nodded their heads, except Zell. He yelled, "Got it!" at the top of his voice. They all stared at him. His face went red.  
  
Seifer muttered, "Chicken-wuss," under his breath. Zell heard him, but at a look from Grasshopper, shut his mouth.  
  
"Okay, Moirae has agreed to present the two plans that we have so far for ruining the play. Moirae."  
  
Moirae looked up at her, her eyes unfocused. Then they slid back into focus. "Sorry. Wasn't paying attention. But I guess that you want me to present the plans, huh?"  
  
"That might be a good idea."  
  
"Ok," said Moirae, getting up and going to the front of the group, carrying two posters.  
  
She stood there for about thirty seconds, wondering how to begin. Then she said, "Well, here's plan one. We go in, act like we're part of the audience, and then, at the scene where Rhett and Scarlett kiss near the end, we rush up on stage and destroy the set, and carry off Rhett and Scarlett."  
  
"Plan number two is we act as the stage crew, and mess things up in the same scene. Only this time, we pour water on Rhett and Scarlett, set off a bunch of fireworks, and make the lights go all screwy. I think that this is the best plan, as we can blame it all on the faulty wiring, and the water was a random act of Hyne. Whereas the other plan, everyone would know that it was planned, and they would also know who we are. We might add on if we need to, but this is the basic plan. Grasshopper?"  
  
"All right. Let's see. a show of hands for plan number one." No one except Binx raised her hand. "Ok, plan number two." Everyone except Binx raised their hands. "Look like it's plan number two, then. Let's get to work!" ***********************************************************  
  
Everyone in the group went into the auditorium. Grasshopper spoke up. "Look, me, Kitty, and Moirae are going to demonstrate, and then I want everyone else to do what we did. Only, don't set off the fireworks, mess with the lights, or pour water. Got it?"  
  
Everyone nodded their heads. "Good. Let's go you two." Grasshopper, Kitty, and Moirae went backstage. Grasshopper opened the curtains, allowing everyone to see what was going on. Then, she got beside the curtains, where she had conveniently placed a rope that was attached to a bucket. Kitty had placed herself beside the box of fireworks, with an evil glint in her eye. Moirae was by the light board. Grasshopper shouted, "NOW!" and the magic happened.  
  
Grasshopper pulled the rope, Kitty decided to not light off the fireworks, and settled for throwing pieces of paper, and Moirae said "Black light, blue light, red light, green light," at the top of her lungs to signify what order the lights were to go in. Then it was over.  
  
"OK, now Seifer, Lori, and Zell are next. Zell, you take the rope, Seifer, you get the lights, and Lori, you get to throw the paper. Action!" Grasshopper ordered. They did as they were told. Zell pulled the rope, Lori threw the confetti sized paper, and Seifer yelled out the light colors. It continued in similar fashion until everyone had done it perfectly. Then they went to the cafeteria. **********************************************************  
  
Zell went up to the lunch ladies and started to ask for a hotdog. Then he saw Grasshopper behind him, and ordered a salad instead. She smiled sweetly at him, and ordered a salad for herself. When they had gotten their salads, they joined Kitty, Moirae, and Seifer at their usual table. "So, do you guys think that this is going to work?" Moirae was asking Kitty and Seifer. "I mean, not be all cynical and all, but that's a lot of people to be working back there."  
  
"I agree, Moirae. What do you think that we should do about that problem, Grasshopper? Or are you too busy chatting with Chicken-Wuss?" he sneered.  
  
Grasshopper was about to attack him when Zell stopped her. "Don't worry about it. it doesn't matter."  
  
"Okay," she replied, giving in.  
  
Zell and Grasshopper sat down and started eating. By now, everyone else had finished their hotdogs. "Well, I think that we are going to have to tell some of the people that they will have to monitor the exits and make sure that no one notices us. And the others can just sit and play cards or something, on stand-by, just in case someone chickens out." Grasshopper said belatedly in answer to Seifer's question.  
  
"Ok. and so we tell them that they got up at seven a.m. just to be on stand- by? Got it." Zell said.  
  
Kitty was playing with her string, Moirae was in her own little world, Seifer was thinking about something, and only Zell and Grasshopper remained in the conversation. They got up simultaneously, put away their trays, and walked out. "Who thinks that they are going out without realizing it?" Kitty asked absentmindedly.  
  
"I do." Said Moirae and Seifer at the same time.  
  
::Who thinks that two other people are going out without realizing it?:: Kitty thought to the penguins in her head. "We do!" they all chorused, except number eight. He was too busy plotting world domination to care. Kitty got up, put away her tray, and walked out, still playing with her string. Moirae and Seifer got up, put away their trays, and walked out of the cafeteria. ********************************************************** 


	8. TaDa! The End

Disclaimer: We don't own Gone With the Wind nor FF8!  
  
"EMERGENCY MEETING IN MY DORM!" Grasshopper yelled to everyone in the gang. Once everyone was there, Grasshopper went to her closet and brought out sake, ginger ale, chips, pixie stix, etc.  
  
"Sakeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.." Kitty said dreamily and took a bottle a little too quickly from Grasshopper.  
  
"What's all this for?" asked Keiry.  
  
"For good luck at the play tonight for everyone.." Grasshopper winks at everyone in on the plan, "and to congratulate me, Moirae, and Seifer on making SeeD." Everyone stared in total shock as Seifer stood up and bowed.  
  
"S-seifer made S-seeD?" asked Selphie dumbly. "THE WORLD'S GONNA END!!!"  
  
"Mwahahaha." Kitty sent telepathically to everyone. "Ragnarok...heheh."  
  
"Anywaaaaaay." Grasshopper continued staring evilly at Kitty, "This is basically a party for us."  
  
"YAY!" screamed Selphie jumping on Grasshopper's bed. Quistis was staring evilly at Moirae and Seifer sitting together but decided to forget about it. Squall and Rinoa were talking quietly. Zell and Grasshopper were doing the same as Squall and Rinoa. Selphie was trying to get Irvine to jump on the bed with her. Keiry, Raven, Kola, Samy, and Lori were walking towards Grasshopper. Binx was reading another cat people book.  
  
"Hey Grasshopper." Raven said.  
  
"Yeah?" Grasshopper asked.  
  
"Why is Seifer part of our destruction team?"  
  
"Oh." Grasshopper shot a look at Moirae. "Moirae 'accidentally' told Seifer about it so he just waltz on in here.So, we're kinda stuck with him."  
  
"Oh..Well I don't mind." She replied looking towards him with a huge grin.  
  
"Geez..." Grasshopper said. Squall went up to Kitty, who was chugging bottle after bottle of Sake.  
  
"HIYA SQUALL!!! YA WANT SOME?" Kitty screamed falling over off the couch. "My impression of Squall: ....Whatever(hic)..." She started to laugh maniacally.  
  
"Okay I just wanted to say that the cast has to leave in about an hour."  
  
"OKIDOKIE CHERIOKIE!" screamed Kitty.  
  
"Hey Squall, why don't you go out with Kitty?" asked Raven. Squall looked at Kitty who was now talking to a wall thinking it was Sephiroth.  
  
"No comment."  
  
"So stab my foot." She muttered.  
  
"I kinda can't." Squall replied looking at her steel-toed boots. By this point, everyone but Zell and Grasshopper were chugging Sake. They were starting to get quite tipsy.  
  
"Everyone.must.bow.to.the string!" Kitty bellowed from the couch. Everyone but Zell, Grasshopper, Moirae, and Seifer started to bow. (Moirae and Seifer were.. missing.) Grasshopper just shook her head as if saying, "Pathetic morons." But maybe they shouldn't have talked because they were the ones experimenting how foamy ginger ale was and how fast it soaked into bread, pixie stix, chips, and carpet.  
  
About twenty minutes later, Grasshopper realized something. "Thank Hyne it's a Saturday...OH CRAP!"  
  
"What?!" asked Zell.  
  
"The cast has to be in the auditorium in thrity-five minutes and they're completely wasted!"  
  
"Uh, we have a problem.."  
  
"Yeah. Luckily, the five cast members aren't too bad. Just take away whatever liquor they have."  
  
"Okay, let's go." They grabbed every liquor bottle they found and threw them away. Thirty-five minutes later, Squall, Rinoa, Irvine, and Selphie were almost back to normal, although Squall was way more talkative than usual. After a frantic, ten-minute search for Seifer, Zell and Grasshopper found him in the broom closet with Moirae. However, everyone else was passed out on the floor, except for Kitty, who was in a corner talking to her penguins about duct taping Masamune.  
  
"Look, everyone is going to be in a huge hangover by the time they wake up, that there is no way that we'll be able to destroy the play. Youwannagooutwime?" Zell asked quickly.  
  
"Sure! Where should we go?" Grasshopper asked, stars in her eyes. Zell was dazed from the fact that she had actually said yes, and also from that look in her eyes. it was almost hypnotizing.  
  
"Ummm. how about 'The Vineyard'? I heard from Selphie that it was a pretty. decent place." Zell asked.  
  
"OK! That's perfect! Just let me get changed into something better than this." She said, indicating her SeeD uniform.  
  
"Great! I'll meet you out front in ten minutes then?"  
  
"Yeah. Out front, ten minutes, meet ya there!" Grasshopper said, running to get changed.  
  
Zell ran back to his dorm, and freshened up enough to where he looked respectable. Then he ran down to the front gate, and waited for Grasshopper. He saw her coming down the stairs in a light blue evening gown, halter top style. As she reached the bottom, he whistled. "You look great, especially with your hair down!"  
  
"Thanks. You look awesome!" She replied.  
  
"Thanks. Well, let's go." He said, taking her arm in his and they walked to the restaurant.  
  
*********************************************************************  
  
Meanwhile, Back in the Dorm.  
  
Kitty and Moirae were talking. They were wondering where in the world Grasshopper and Zell were, and they were wondering if they could pull off ruining the play by themselves, considering that everyone else was out of it.  
  
"Well, I think that we could do it. I mean, how hard could it be? Besides, isn't Seifer dead already in that scene? He could come and help us. I mean, we only need three people, right?" Moirae was asking Kitty, who was still playing with her string.  
  
"You tell me. You came up with the plans, after all, nai?"  
  
"Well, yeah, but I dunno. I just dunno. We could, I mean, I designed the plans for three people. namely me, you, and Grasshopper, and seeing as how Grasshopper has disappeared, it looks like we need another person. And only one other person isn't passed out cold on the dorm floor right now, and that's Seifer." Moirae said, worriedly.  
  
"Well, you need to make up your mind, because the play isn't going to last forever, is it?"  
  
"All right. Let's do it." Kitty and Moirae walk out of the room, locking the door behind them. They walk towards the auditorium, and Kitty is still playing with her string. *********************************************************************** Backstage  
  
Kitty and Moirae are sneaking around backstage. They finally find the dressing room, where they talk to Seifer.  
  
"So, are you done?" Kitty asked him, STILL toying with her string.  
  
"Yeah. I died last scene. I was wondering if you girls were going to go through with this or not. So, what are you doing in here?" He answered, looking confused and intrigued at the same time.  
  
"Well, we. kinda need your help." Moirae said quietly.  
  
"Why didn't you come out and say that first off? I'd love to help you!"  
  
"You would?! Great! Ok, how much farther until the 'great' scene where Rhett and Scarlett kiss?" Asked Moirae, obviously relieved.  
  
"We have about fifteen minutes until then. So, what do you propose we do in the meantime?"  
  
Kitty played with her string. Moirae shrugged her shoulders. "I dunno."  
  
"Well, we could come up with a different plan.." Seifer said evilly as he led them into the costume room.  
  
*********************************************************************  
  
At the Vineyard  
  
"May I take your order?" asked a waiter.  
  
"Can I cheat on my diet just once?" Zell pleaded.  
  
"I don't care."  
  
"Cool. I'll have the fillet mignon with a salad." Grasshopper looked at him with a weird expression. "I've kinda grown to salads.."  
  
"Okay, and what type of dressing?" asked the waiter.  
  
"Italian."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"I'll have Chicken Caesar Salad with ranch dressing." Grasshopper said.  
  
"Okay. Now would either of you like fries with that?"  
  
"Umm..nooooo." they both said looking at each other. The waiter walked away and they heard them say:  
  
"I need a combo number five and combo number twelve, eighty-six the fries on both, well done and two strawberry shak- I mean 'daquiris'.  
  
"Okay, who told you this was a good restaurant?" Grasshopper asked looking abashed.  
  
"Selphie." Said Zell finally coming to a realization. "Oh man.. You wanna go eat some place else?"  
  
"That would be nice." Grasshopper replied quickly looking at the other people realizing that everyone else was in jeans and t-shirt and that Zell and her were getting weird looks. They left quickly and went to Wendy's, where they could at least get fries from a place they knew. ((Grasshopper- Makes no sense but they wanted me to put that.))  
  
*********************************************************************  
  
Back in the Costume Room.  
  
"Is it just me or are these clothes, a little too lacey?" asked Moirae coming out with a very tight, very revealing clothes, something that was like the Moulin Rouge constumes.  
  
"I feel prettiful!" Kitty said coming out with almost the same clothing and turning around and looking in all the mirrors in the room. "Hehe! Millions of Kitty!" she said as she went into the room with mirrors all around it. Moirae started to rub her temples. Seifer came out in tight leather pants and a bow-tie with no shirt. They hear a dripping noise and realize Raven is probably drooling at the thought.  
  
"I feel like a moron."  
  
"Hey it was your idea!" Kitty and Moirae say.  
  
"But this isn't what I laid out this morning!"  
  
Moirae turns red and looks away. "Okay let's go out on the stage and get this over with."  
  
"Okay, I'll go fiddle with the PA system," Kitty replied. When that was done, they went out on the stage with a happy tune playing on the stereo. Moirae and Kitty started to do the Can-can as the curtain pulled open. They were wondering how they didn't get caught. Squall and Selphie were leaning in about to kiss when 'They're Coming to Take me Away' started up. They looked up, startled, and saw Moirae and Kitty doing the Can-Can, and Seifer singing the words. "They're coming to take me away, ha ha." he sang.  
  
Then Squall (who is still a little tipsy) started doing the Can-Can, looking very relieved that he didn't have to kiss Selphie. Selphie looks at the group for a moment, shrugs her shoulders, smiles, and joins in the Can-Can. Then Laguna stood up. "Go Squall! I knew that those tap dancing lessons would pay off!"  
  
Squall's face went red, and he froze. Then, "WHAT tap dancing lessons?"  
  
Laguna thought for a moment, and then he said, "Oh, that's right! Those were the tap dancing lessons I WOULD have gotten you if you had grown up with me.." He walked off.  
  
Squall resumed his Can-Canning. They all Can-Can off-stage and the audience applauds wildly. The curtains close, and Selphie, Squall, Seifer, Kitty, and Moirae run wildly for Grasshopper's dorm.  
  
"Whew! We made it!" breathed Moirae. Suddenly, men dressed in white pants and shirts burst into the room. Moirae, Seifer, and Selphie tried to fight them off, but they were too tired and the white-dressed men led them off in straight-jackets.  
  
::Well, this sucks.:: thought Squall, who had now recovered from his Sake intake. ::Hyne, where's my gunblade when I need it?!::  
  
The white-smocked men led them to psychiatric room. room 217. Kitty said quietly, "Oh darn, not again! This is the fifth time this week, guys! So, how's life been? Blah, blah, blah." she rambled on and on, and then a look of evil crossed her face.  
  
"Ok, guys, here's the plan! I'm going to claw and chew my way out of this thing, you guys are gonna chase me, I'm gonna slam the door in," she points to guy in white numero uno, "YOUR face and break your nose, and you," motions to the second guy, "are going to run home screaming for your mommy. Sound good?"  
  
The two nod absently, obviously not realizing what they just agreed to.  
  
Kitty started clawing and chewing her jacket, and about three minutes later, succeeded in getting it off. Then, she went about and got everyone else's jackets undone, opened the door, let everyone out, slammed the door in numero uno's face breaking his nose, and the other guy ran home crying to his mommy.  
  
Everyone races back to Grasshopper's dorm, where they open the door and walk in to find everyone still passed out. Then, they heard someone at the door. It opened, and in walked Grasshopper and Zell. Just as they walked in, everyone woke up.  
  
"Where have you BEEN?!" asked Moirae.  
  
"Nice hair," remarked Kitty.  
  
"Didn't you check the answering machine? That thing on the table in the corner?"  
  
Everyone looks at it, giving it the evil eye. Kitty mumbled, "So THAT'S what that red light means, huh?"  
  
Keiry rips the phone out of the wall socket, and throwing it out of the window. "Die, evil light!!!!!!"  
  
No one disagreed. Suddenly, they heard a phone ring. They looked around, and spied another phone in the other corner. "Hyne, Grasshopper. how many phones ya got?" said Squall.  
  
"Just pick up the damn thing!" she yelled.  
  
Selphie picked up the phone. "Hello, Grasshopper's dorm! Selphie speaking!"  
  
It was Headmanster Cid. "Selphie, I want you, Squall, Seifer, Moirae, and Kitty to come to my office. NOW!"  
  
"Yes sir!" She put down the phone. She waits a moment, and says, "Uh. guys, I think that we're in trouble."  
  
"Who was it?!" Everyone yelled.  
  
"Umm. someone who got us in trouble!"  
  
"Like who?"  
  
"Ummm. me, Squall, Seifer, Kitty, and Moirae. at least those are the names that the Headmaster mentioned.." She said. "He also said that. the five of us have to go to his office. now," she added, indicating the five that Cid mentioned. Grasshopper got down on her knees, praising Hyne that she was out with Zell when all this happened.  
  
"Shit." said Kitty.  
  
They walked out, certain that death was imminent. They headed toward Cid's office, and no one said anything, until Kitty spoke up. "Well, it was fun while it lasted, guys." They went into Cid's office. She started humming the death march tune.  
  
"Sit down."  
  
They sat down. Kitty began playing with her string again.  
  
"Well, I suppose that you all know why you're here." Cid began. "Well, what if we said that we DIDN'T know?" Seifer asked.  
  
"Then I would tell you that the play was a hit, and that you are all to be commended for such an original display of talent," he said.  
  
**TOTAL SHOCK**  
  
"NO!!!!!!!!!" They heard Squall scream.  
  
"What?"  
  
"MY NIGHTMARE CAME TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CURSE YOU CID, MASTER OF ALL THAT IS EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANTED TO GET IN TROUBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Squall continued.  
  
"Okay, fine. Squall, go in the hall."  
  
"OKAY! I think that I'll go resurrect Norg!"  
  
Kitty stands up, slowly, and follows him. "Uh, I'm coming to!!!!"  
  
Selphie follows, "Cool!!!! I'm coming too!"  
  
"Ok. I think that I'll go too. Come on Moirae!" Said Seifer.  
  
Moirae follows as if in a trance. "Okay. I haven't seen Leviathan in a while. I need to check on some GF's." she said, eagerly following Seifer.  
  
About a minute later, Grasshopper runs into Cid's office, in her evening gown, all out of breath. "Are. they..in.trouble..yet..?" She pants.  
  
Cid looks at her, and then he says, "No. they're going to resurrect Norg."  
  
At the same time, their eyes open in fear. "OH NO!"  
  
They run out of the office, and Grasshopper trips over her stiletto heels, ripping a tear in her dress. She finished ripping it, and tore off her shoes. "I knew these would be useful for something.." She said, and kept running. "IIIIIIIIIII'mmmmmmm coooooommmmminnnnnngggggg..." She says in slow motion.  
  
Selphie is tagging behind the rest when she runs into Irvine.  
  
"Ow!" he exclaims.  
  
"Sorry but we're gonna resurrect Norg!"  
  
"COOL! I wanna help!" Irvine loads his gun.  
  
"No! We're going to resurrect him, not kill him!"  
  
"Oh yeah!" Irvine throws his gun on the ground and starts to run towards the elevator. He realizes what he did and looks back at the poor gun lying on the ground. "MY BABY!" he yells running to his gun and kissing it.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Five Hours Later  
  
After defeating the newly resurrected Norg, everyone headed to the cafeteria. There they received a special brand of hotdog, which was cholesterol-free and still tasted like a hotdog. Zell, Seifer, Squall, Moirae, Kitty, and Grasshopper were sitting at a table, eating and discussing the night's events.  
  
"So, did you two have fun on your little date, Zell and Grasshopper?" Asked Seifer.  
  
"Yeah. what's it to you?" Replied Grasshopper.  
  
"Geez. just asking.." He muttered.  
  
"Moirae and Seifer sittin' in a tree.. K-I-S-S-I-N-G..."  
  
Moirae looks up, takes off her shoe, and throws it at the singer. "Now who was that immature little..."  
  
Grasshopper looks up, a shoe falling from her face.  
  
Zell went over and hugged Grasshopper. He feels a bare leg. "What happened to your dress?"  
  
"I couldn't run! And why was your leg there in the first place?"  
  
"Sickos." Kitty says.  
  
"Uhh.gotta go!" Grasshopper yells pulling Zell by the arm and heading towards the library.  
  
"I don't even want to know what they're going to do in there." Squall says.  
  
"Probably to kiss and hope the Library Girl With the Pigtails will run in on them, then Grasshopper will show her up by pulling him down in a passionate kiss." Rinoa says coming to sit down with them.  
  
All stare at her.  
  
She shrugs. "Well, its probably true."  
  
"I'm all alone," Kitty sulks, "but worst of all, bored to FRIGGIN HELL!" She thinks a second. "I think I'll go see if Rinny's telling the truth." She runs off after the two lovebirds.  
  
Rinoa looks around. "Hey..she's gone!" Starts cheering and does her freaky little victory dance.  
  
Kitty suddenly pokes her head around the cafeteria door, looking ill.  
  
Rinoa's cheer is suddenly gone.  
  
"What is it?" Selphie asked.  
  
Kitty trudges back to her seat. "I just remembered that the Library Committee has this thing on my head and..."  
  
"...And your point? Everyone has this 'thing' on your head," Squall pointed out.  
  
"Yeah," she whined, "but now I can't watch it!!! I'll have to pay that thousand gil fine I owed since...umm...I didn't turn that book in..."  
  
Selphie winces. "Th-Thousand gil? What WAS it?"  
  
Kitty shrugs. "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. What else?"  
  
Everyone does the anime sweatdrop.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Well, anyway, from then on, the rest is history, really.  
  
The fangirls went about their business harassing Squall and Zell (unless of course Grasshopper was around to stop them...which was usually NOT fun for them at ALL), and the SeeDs went about on their missions.  
  
All except Kitty, who could NOT be trusted outside Garden any longer (for you see, her SeeD license was at stake for a while), but yet they somehow managed to find it in them to allow her to REPAIR the Garden (probably because she silenced the other mechanics....).  
  
Grasshopper and Zell continued going out (which should be apparent, for why else would she be so defensive against the fangirls who really only PRETENDED to like him to get to Squall?), and then, shortly after, so did Moirae and Seifer. But that didn't last long. For you see, not only was Seifer's controlling nature at stake, but following him around made it very hard for Moirae to do Kitty's bidding, so there was tension (because she's in on Ragnarok, too!!!). But they still like each other (well now, ain't that SWEET??? *gags*).  
  
Squall and Rinoa have continued in their relationship (surprise, surprise), and it's been running smoothly considering the fact that Kitty's been in rehab, not allowing her much time to harass either.  
  
Irvine and Selphie have been going good as well, ummmm..apart from that comment he made about his gun earlier....*checks* Yup. Still good.  
  
Xu becomes president of the Drama Club, and, along with Nida (when he's not flying Garden) promise to create the most absurdly random plays ever. But trust me, they are not for human eyes. Never see a Nida/Xu original. We're WARNING you..  
  
As for Quistis, well, she finally dates one of those blasted Trepies she's had her eye on for like...a week. (Hey! On her defense, that's a long time for a busy girl like herself!)  
  
Rajin and Fujin (who have NOT been mentioned much in this fic, we are sorry to say, but should NOT go without notice, for they are AWESOME!!!!!) have ALSO gotten together. But, unfortunately after being kicked many times in the shin by Fujin, Rajin ran away to his mommy.  
  
And we have all come to the conclusion that all of the mishaps in this story are the sole responsibilities of Kitty (who should be SHOT, damn it!!!).  
  
************************************************************************  
  
So, one day, flying over the ocean somewhere - we are not sure where exactly, for no one seems to care, really - the Garden malfunctioned.  
  
Careening through the sky (ok, so it wasn't THAT far to fall, give or take), it crashed into the sea, where it sank to it's watery grave below.  
  
Ok, so actually everyone in Garden was alerted, and they all cast Shells and Protects on themselves, which made this massive barrier, so that Garden became a neo-Atlantis, but it was pretty cool to watch it crash and burn anyway.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
So thus ends our epic tale of....epic proportions and freaky heros...who never really saved the day or anything, just provided a little humor...Aw, shit, bear with me! Come on!!!!!! GAH!!!!!!!!!!!! *internally combusts*  
  
************************************************************************ ************************************************************************ Grasshopper: It's over...*cries and all that other crap* I think we'll make a sequel..as long as I have Zell, I'm okay!  
  
Well, it's been great, kids, but now I have to say goodbye. Suck it up, ya wussies who are crying that it's over! We might make a sequel. ya never know! |\/|01R43  
  
YAY!!!!! Redneck pride, ya'll. Kay, anyways, yes, it IS all my fault. *aims gun for forehead and fires* Crap!!! Dud!!!! GAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! *reaches for .20* MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!! |~|Kitty|~| 


End file.
